http://www.lifesfunnystories.com The Funniest Stories on the Internet Thu, 29 May 2008 05:06:55 +0000 http://backend.userland.com/rss092 en When you have an "I Hate My Job " day, try this: On your way home from work, stop at your pharmacy and go to the thermometer section and purchase a rectal thermometer made by Johnson and Johnson. Be very sure you get this brand. When you get home : Lock your doors Draw ... http://www.lifesfunnystories.com/2008/05/your-job-could-be-worse/ Jack and Betty are celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary. "Betty, I was wondering -- have you ever cheated on me?" "Oh Jack, why would you ask such a question now? You don't want to ask that question..." "Yes, Betty, I really want to know. Please." "Well, all right. Yes, 3 times." "Three? When were they?" "Well, ... http://www.lifesfunnystories.com/2008/05/cheating-spouse-funny-story/ A man left from work one Friday afternoon. But, being payday, instead of going home, he stayed out the entire weekend partying with the boys and spending his entire paycheck. When He finally appeared at home, Sunday Night, he was confronted by a very angry wife and was barraged for nearly ... http://www.lifesfunnystories.com/2008/05/partying-with-the-boys-funny-stories/ An elderly couple had been experiencing declining memories, so they decided to take a power memory class where one is taught to remember things by association. A few days after the class, the old man was outside talking with his neighbor about how much the class helped him. "What was the name ... http://www.lifesfunnystories.com/2008/05/what-was-his-name-funny-story/ A retired gentleman went to the social security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked him for his driver's license to verify his age. He looked in his pockets and realized he had left his wallet at home. He told the woman that he was very ... http://www.lifesfunnystories.com/2008/05/social-security-funny-storie/ The Wolf Man comes home one day from a long day at the office. "How was work, dear?" his wife asks. "Listen! I don't want to talk about work!" he shouts. "Okay. Would you like to sit down and eat a nice home cooked meal?" she asks nicely. "Listen!" he shouts again. "I'm ... http://www.lifesfunnystories.com/2008/05/the-wolf-man-is-hungry-funny-stor/ Chester and Earl are going hunting. Chester says to Earl, "I'll send my dog out to see if there are any ducks out in the pond. If there aren't any ducks out there, I'm not going hunting." So he sends the dog out to the pond. The dog comes back and ... http://www.lifesfunnystories.com/2008/05/duck-hunting-funny-storie/ A group of girlfriends is on vacation when they see a 5-story hotel with a sign that reads: "For Women Only." Since they are without their boyfriends and husbands, they decide to go in. The bouncer, a very attractive guy, explains to them how it works. "We have 5 floors. Go ... http://www.lifesfunnystories.com/2008/05/for-women-only-funny-story/ A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin." "What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married ten times?" "Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative: he kept telling me how ... http://www.lifesfunnystories.com/2008/04/still-a-virgin-funny-story/ A few days after Christmas, a mother was working in the kitchen listening to her young son playing with his new electric train in the living room. She heard the train stop and her son said, "All of you sons of bitches who want off, get the hell off now, ... http://www.lifesfunnystories.com/2008/04/two-hour-delay-funny-story/